For Lauren

When we were kids
We had to share a bed
I was four years older
But we were the same size

I would wake in the middle of the night
With your heavy, hairy legs all over me
And turn sideways in the bed
Arms on the wall, feet on your body
To shove you back over to your side

When you were about 5 years old
You would torture our cats
By holding them by their ears
But you loved them

When you were in preschool
You didn't want to go
And you'd wake up crying in the night
And Shelley would come to you
Comfort you, tell you it's all right

When you were in second grade
You showed Daddy my hidden cigarettes
And I was so mad at you
But you were right to tell

When you were in college
You borrowed our lawn mower
And called me in a huff
"Why won't this thing crank?"
"Are you holding down the bar while you crank it?"
"No."
Ha

And you parked in the spot
Marked "Ag Communications Only"
And didn't understand
Why that made me mad

And you went the wrong way
Down a one-way parking lot
And told me I thought I had to do everything right
And you were right, but so was I

And you would pull up honking
And the girls were thrilled
You'd play on the floor with them
That's what they remember most

We tried to be runners
But I couldn't keep up
And you'd call and say you couldn't make it
I run almost every day now

You were the most fun person ever
But also the most frustrating
"I'll call you tomorrow"
A week later, you were sorry but something came up

You left us behind
And I let you go
I have never been so hurt, crushed
I remember you every day

My heart cries
For what could have been
Should have been
Might have been

I loved you
I love you
I miss you
My heart